


Land of Xeno and Kink

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Bulges and Nooks, Fivesome, Fivesome - F/F/F/M/M, Inflation, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Polyamory, Porn, Xenobiology, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7208681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Jade find themselves in a strange polyamorous arrangement with Karkat, Nepeta, and Terezi. Trolls are anatomically different from humans with a very alien means of reproduction. This makes sex awkward (at first). But the best way to get better at sex is to have a lot of it. And, of course, to have fun with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Land of Xeno and Kink

After a few years of living on New Earth together, Dave and Jade sometimes forgot that they were dating literal aliens. Things that seemed so foreign at first became commonplace. 

The horns and fangs were one thing, but troll skin was another. They all had a very short layer of fuzz, soft like velvet, across their bodies. Their lips and gums were pitch black. Their nails were bright orange, and thicker and sharper than a human’s. Their eyes were bigger, too, shaped differently, and they glowed in the dark. Their ears were longer and bigger, and attached a little higher on the head. And each one had their own body temperature. Nepeta was slightly cooler than a human, and Terezi cooler still, but Karkat radiated quite a bit of heat. 

Nepeta had a mutation that gave her a tail like a cat that she dyed blue, but Karkat and Terezi also had small protrusions on their tailbones. Not long enough to be a tail, but still unusual. And there were two other protrusions trolls had, on either side of their torsos, the remnants of their third set of grub legs. They each had thicker calloused, hairless skin around their fingers, toes, palms and feet, not unlike the paws of an animal. And even their feet were shaped differently, with longer, more flexible toes.

Yes, Karkat, Nepeta and Terezi were in no terms human, but Dave and Jade grew accustomed to their differences quickly. After all, there was much about trolls that were similar to humans. They still walked on two legs, had two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. They had ten fingers and ten toes, and hair on their head. They had similar body proportions and expressions. 

However, once the polyamorous fivesome decided to become sexually intimate, Dave and Jade realized that trolls were not as humanoid between their legs.

It was no so much that troll genitalia looked alien, but more that it functioned in ways that better suited troll reproduction. The bulge was the most familiar aspect of troll anatomy, at least to Dave. All three trolls had bulges, and the main difference was that all of them were uncut, unlike Dave, and that while the foreskin was gray, the head and shaft underneath were flushed the color of their blood. 

Terezi in particular favored bulge stimulation. Dave couldn’t count the amount of times she had begged for his mouth, but he wasn’t one to complain. There was something so feral about her when Dave sucked her off. The sounds she would make were like nothing Dave had ever heard before. She would click and trill and chirp and growl, and she would squirm in his grip as though she could hardly stand how good everything felt.

Sometimes, if Dave really wanted to please Terezi, he would spritz his throat with some numbing spray and let her face fuck him as wildly as she wanted. This was generally pretty rough, as Terezi was a bit of an animal in bed.

With Jade, Terezi could be even rougher still. As kismesises, their sex tended to be more about wrestling for dominance. But even when Jade managed to get herself on top of Terezi, she would generally ride Terezi’s bulge. Usually, though, Terezi would get Jade pinned down on her stomach, and fuck her from behind. Jade found it hard to complain, since the angle let Terezi pound her relentlessly, right against her g-spot.

But though dicks and bulges looked alike, Dave couldn’t help but find himself a little envious of his troll lovers. Human dicks could only ejaculate once, and the orgasm, while intense, was short-lived. On the upside, Dave didn’t cum buckets of ejaculate, so masturbation cleanup was a breeze.

This was not the case with bulges. Trolls went through cycles in which their orgasms changed. Near mating season, trolls could orgasm multiple times in a row, and their orgasms would last for a long time. Dave didn’t exactly keep time, but he would guess that his orgasms generally lasted about ten seconds. But the trolls seemed to experience three times that amount. And then there was the sheer amount of genetic material.

Jade once explained to Dave that it made sense. The trolls had filial pails to catch their ejaculate, so of course that meant they produced a lot. But Dave really wasn’t prepared for what that meant in practice. 

The first time all five of them got together to lose their virginities together, it mostly involved a lot of jerking each other off, or in Jade’s case, everyone taking turns sucking on her clit. Karkat was the first one to finish. Dave had been pumping his bulge when Karkat’s swearing turned to gibberish, and his body began to spasm. 

Dave pulled his hand away once the first spurt of red fluid erupted from the head, startled by the suddenness of it. Nepeta was smart enough to grab the bucket at that point. Then they all watched as Karkat squatted over the metal pail and began tugging at his bulge in a hurried frenzy. More cum spat out at each pump, hitting the bottom of the bucket with thick splats. As unsexy as it sounded, Dave could only think of cows being milked. It would have seriously turned Dave off of ever having sex again, if not for the fact that Karkat was so obviously enjoying it. He was drooling, spouting gibberish words, and quivering so hard that Dave thought he was going to knock the bucket over. 

The fact that trolls ejaculate so much was only strange at first to Dave, but it quickly became a problem for Jade. Each time Nepeta or Karkat would make love to her, bulge thrusting deep into her heat, they would always stop partway through so that they could turn to grab the bucket. Then Jade would have to watch in painful longing as her troll lover masturbated themselves to completion. Karkat would often make it up to her with oral sex, and Nepeta was skilled with her fingers, but Jade still couldn’t help but resent it each time she came gloriously close to an orgasm, only for her partner to pull away completely from her reach. 

With time and patience, Karkat, Nepeta, and Terezi all learned to stimulate Jade’s clit, and to not pull back until she was perfectly satiated. This led to quite a few accidents when Karkat ended up ejaculating too soon and staining the sheets with his copious volumes of cum, but Jade preferred the cleanup to the constant orgasm denial. 

Along with their bulges, each troll had a nook. In appearance, they were near identical to vaginas. The obvious difference had to do with the shame globes. They looked like testicles that hadn’t been fulling formed, and connected the base of the bulge to the nook lips. They sat on either side of what would be the clitoris, if trolls had those. Unlike testicles, these half-descended organs could swell up to twice their size during sex as they created genetic material. Jade learned said fact from a troll biology book she had alchemized.

Some trolls, such as Karkat, could get off from globe stimulation alone. Every time Dave or Jade caught Karkat masturbating, he always had one hand knuckle deep in his nook, and the other squeezing and caressing a globe.

The inside of the nook was also quite different from a vagina. It was not connected to any sort of womb, but it did have a space to collect genetic material. The opening to it was called the seed flap, and looked like a cervix. Unlike a cervix, the seed flap also served as a troll’s g-spot, as it was surrounded by a thick ring of nerves. If Terezi was crazy about bulge stimulation, Karkat was crazy about seed flap stimulation. 

It was not unusual to find Karkat sinking to his knees to give Dave or Nepeta a blowjob, before crawling onto their laps so he could sink himself down onto their erections. He preferred to be face to face with them, so that Dave’s dick or Nepeta’s bulge would graze his globes between thrusts. He found the position so pleasurable, in fact, that Dave would have to remember to watch Karkat closely, to make sure he doesn’t forget to pull away before orgasm. 

The oddest thing about alien sex, though, would be how a troll could hold genetic material inside of themselves for a while until they chose to relieve themselves of it. Nepeta in particular gained a somewhat sadistic joy of pumping Karkat full of her ejaculate. She could cum inside of him three or four times, to the point where Dave and Jade could hear the swishing of the liquid inside Karkat any time he so much as stirred, and yet it wouldn’t trickle out.

It was only until Karkat straddled the bucket and willfully released his seed flap muscles that the flood of Nepeta’s green slurry would leave his body. 

To hear Karkat tell it, this releasing of genetic material felt orgasmic, which is why he put up with Nepeta filling him up like a kinky water balloon. It certainly looked pleasurable, with how Karkat moaned and shivered. But while Nepeta would also let Karkat and Terezi cum inside her, Terezi mentioned detesting the bloated feeling that came with it. Only Dave was allowed to orgasm inside her nook, a privilege he didn’t take lightly.

But even these things became familiar to Dave and Jade after a while. Dave even came to enjoy helping milk Karkat of his genetic material, and letting Nepeta pump his ass full of her alien seed. And Jade found a way to flip things around on Karkat and Nepeta, by securing bulge clamps around their erections so they couldn’t ejaculate until she let them.

And they found comfort in the fact that the trolls would often poke and prod at their bodies, asking questions about why they had belly buttons, or why Dave’s globes were drooping so low from his body. Dave and Jade were the aliens to Karkat, Terezi, and Nepeta. It took a while for Terezi to learn how to be gentle to Jade’s clit, or for Karkat to not become grossed out by how much Dave liked anal. But the more they had sex, the better everyone got at it. 

\--

Eventually, they reached the stage where they all agreed that they could start exploring fetishes.

“I mean, technically we’ve already been exploring some,” Jade said, “Xenophilia: a sexual fetish for aliens.” She giggled at that. It was hard for Jade to talk about sex without giggling, which was endearing as it was occasionally annoying. “Oh, and edging and orgasm denial. I like that one a lot now.”

“You mean, you like it now that you’re not the one constantly being denied a fucking mind-blowing orgasm,” Karkat snarked back, but there was little bite to his words.

Nepeta leaned forward shyly. “I wouldn’t mind adding some fun games to our concupiscent activities,” she murmured.

“Wait, what kind of games are we talking about here?” Dave was the only one standing. Nepeta, Terezi, and Jade were squished together on the couch, and Karkat sat in the armchair. “Like… strip poker? That sounds fun, but kind of mediocre. I mean, we’re already in a mixed quadrant poly clusterfuck. It should be a given that we’re also super freaky kinksters.”

Terezi hugged Nepeta against her chest and thought that over. “We could try roleplay,” she suggested, “I’m a master at roleplay.”

“Too obvious,” Dave complained. He put a couple of fingers to the bridge of his nose, posing as someone who is pondering deep thoughts. “No, we need a better angle than that, at least to start off with. Something to showcase our willing descent into moral anarchy.”

“Dude, you are taking this way too grubfistingly seriously.” Karkat rolled his eyes at Dave’s theatrics. “Let’s just, I don’t know, each write down half a dozen of our most pathetically depraved sexual fantasies, stick them in a goddamn hat, and pick one out.”

Dave stared at Karkat for a moment, silent and thoughtful. 

“Is it just me,” Terezi said, “or is that a perfect idea?” The cogs of her criminally wicked mind were beginning to whirl and spin. “Yes, yes, and we could make a game out of it. Pick a kink out of the hat, spin a bottle to see who to perform it with, and then roll a die to see how long it lasts. Last one who cums doesn’t have to do any chores for a month.”

Everyone froze, watching Terezi with a mixture of shock and unease.

“God, you are so fucked up,” Dave was the one to finally break the silence. He leaned down to kiss Terezi swiftly. “I love so you goddamn much, you spawn of Satan you.”

Jade blinked quickly. “That does sound interesting. But we should raise the stakes! Like… no chores for a month and they get to pick the movies on each Friday movie night! Or they could choose what we eat for dinner!”

“What about a penalty for the first person who finishes?” Nepeta jumped into the conversation eagerly, though her face was a deep olive. “Like… having to wear wet socks one day!”

Dave laughed heartedly at that. Nepeta was so cute. “That, or… no masturbation for a month.”

“Yeah, because that would be real fucking easy to regulate,” Karkat put in darkly, “I can’t believe I am about to say this, but I second the wet sock idea. Walking around in wet socks is one asinine shitcaked hell of a punishment.”

“Or…” Dave retorted, “You just don’t want to be banned from groping your globes for any period of time.”

Everyone had walked in on Karkat masturbating at least once, so Dave’s argument was hard to dispute. Even Jade had to agree. She put her hand on Karkat’s wrist in sympathy. “You do seem to enjoy your alone time,” she teased him gently.

“A month is an absolutely fucking absurd amount of time,” Karkat protested sourly, “How about a week?”

“Two weeks,” Dave countered, “C’mon, think of it as a moral exercise. Testing out your willpower. Seeing how long you can refrain from shoving your fingers up your nook.” 

Karkat’s pants began to tent at the crotch just at the mental images that Dave’s words were stirring up.

“No way,” Terezi said, “I can already smell his boner peeking up at the mere suggestion of being touched. Karkat couldn’t go two days without desperately humping his own fingers, let alone two weeks.”

Her words were clearly meant to bait Karkat in. There was a stiff pause as Karkat wrestled with himself to ignore her.

“Fine,” Karkat spat, “A month of no masturbation for whichever sorry fuckup cums first.” He folded his arms across his chest and let out an angry breath. “But it sure as shit won’t be me.”

Dave pat Karkat on the shoulder. “Sure it won’t, buddy.”

After his minimal efforts to console Karkat, Dave went to gather a stack of index cards and some pens. “Alright, this is how this shit is going to go down. Write down six fantasies or fetishes each. Obviously we all have the right to refuse any of them, but don’t be afraid to get freaky. Oh, and make sure it would work for anyone, no matter if they have a bulge and a nook, a dick, or a vagina. Capiche?” 

The room was soon filled with the sound of ink scratching against paper. The night was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, please comment with what kink or fantasy you want incorporated into the next chapter! I will give you a few things the characters would have written down:
> 
> DAVE: be shrunk down and have entire lower body sucked on, spanking  
> JADE: sit on a vibrator and try to read a book, perform a 69  
> KARKAT: film someone who is masturbating, lick whipped cream off of someone's genitalia  
> NEPETA: roleplay as an anthropomorphic cat in heat, pee in a strange place  
> TEREZI: use a noose to choke/tie up someone, lick red dye off of someone
> 
> Feel free to choose an idea from this list, or to submit your own ideas. I may reject any kinks or fetishes that I personally do not like.


End file.
